![]() ![]() In other words, your marriage cannot be the only thing that keeps you from feeling lonely. But people need to be able to feel full and complete on their own as individuals, whether they're in a long-term relationship or not. It's easy to fall into the trap of making your spouse wholly responsible for your sense of fulfillment and validation, Jackson says. When couples exclusively rely on each other as their primary social connection, it can put a strain on the relationship-and leave the individual people susceptible to loneliness when the relationship inevitably goes through phases of disconnection. In a 2020 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology on almost 1,400 heterosexual married couples in their 50s through their 70s, the researchers noted that married couples are dealing with increased enmeshment, wherein their lives are unhealthily intertwined. "You have to consider emotional proximity-how in tune are you with your partner? If there is an emotional gap chasm in the relationship, your partner could be sitting next to you, and still feel oceans apart." "Physical proximity isn't the sole factor when it comes to experiencing closeness in a relationship," explains licensed marriage therapist Beverley Andre, LMFT. In the context of a marriage, if your marriage isn't fulfilling your need for companionship, love, affection, or other social needs, you may very well feel lonely despite technically having a life partner. You can literally be surrounded by a whole bunch of people and still feel like you're lonely." "Loneliness is a deeper thing because it's more of a psychological state where people feel like their relationships, the quantity of their relationships, the quality of their relationships, are not where they need to be," Jackson explains. Being alone simply means you are in a physical state of not being around or attached to anyone else, whereas being lonely has more to do with how much your relationships nourish you and how full your life feels. That's because there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely, says Kiaundra Jackson, LMFT, a licensed marriage therapist and author of Hard Work or Harmony. A marriage is a long-lasting, committed partnership between two people, but that doesn't mean that married people can never feel lonely. ![]()
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